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Poetry or prose by Caelianna

Poetry by AriannaTheKeybearer

Literature by PureBloodxTomBoy


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Submitted on
November 26, 2012
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Daddy's little girl is getting put away; in the ground is now where she lays
He can't hold back the tears as they pour out from his eyes
As he thinks of all the reasons his daughters not alive
He jumps into her grave and cradles her in his arms
He didn't want this world to cause her any bit of harm
His little girl's not breathing, her heart now doesn't beat
He's holding her tight knowing, he'll never be complete
Everyone watches him cradle his dead girl,
Knowing he won't survive much longer in this world
It takes all of his strength to get out of her grave
And to listen to all the support all of his friends gave
He just couldn't believe he'd never see her happy face again
And he felt his life has come to a sudden end
He watched them close the coffin and pile the dirt up high
And inside every feeling wanted him to die
When everyone had left and he was on his own
He thought of all the days he was going to be alone
He missed his daughter so much; it hurt to take a single breath
And he couldn't think of anything but her slow and painful death
And as he walked home slowly thinking of his life
He had a plan and so he picked up the nearest knife
He's now standing next to me with a huge smile on his face
He holds me tightly in his arms in an eternal embrace
I havenít written a poem is a very long time, so this is just a practice run. I noticed I lose some of the rhythm half way through so how it started off is different to how it finishes but Iíll fix that up later. This is the third poem I've ever written so I know I have a few errors that need to be fixed but Iím pretty happy with it so far =)
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:iconba1223:
Ba1223 Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I started crying.
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:icondinopigsfly222:
dinopigsfly222 Featured By Owner Dec 29, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
This is so beautfiul.
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:iconmurderinslowmotion:
murderinslowmotion Featured By Owner Jan 1, 2013
Thank you!
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:iconcrumbledwings:
CrumbledWings Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2012
Awesome, i wish i had written something like this :D. The rhymes feel a little forced but it doesn't matter since its so emotional and well written.
:airborne:
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:iconmurderinslowmotion:
murderinslowmotion Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2012
Thank you so much! I plan to fix up the rhymes one day =)
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:iconthenameismouse:
thenameismouse Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012
This is absolutely lovely :heart:
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:iconmurderinslowmotion:
murderinslowmotion Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012
Thank you!
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:icondomofreak83:
domofreak83 Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012  Student Filmographer
its touching really :o even though the rhythm gets a little iffy toward the end its a great poem for a practice run :) nicely done
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:iconmurderinslowmotion:
murderinslowmotion Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012
Thank you so much! I'm sure I'll get better especially with all the amazing advice I'm getting =)
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:iconjazzy444:
jazzy444 Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012  Student General Artist
This is very very good, but the rhythm changes in it make it difficult to read. It seems like you fixed it after it started to mess up, but then it changed again. All in all, it was still wonderful! :)
I suggest changing the word "survive" (line 9) to last, deleting the first "all" in line 11 and getting rid of the word "single" in line 18 for a start. Hope that helps some
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